I’ve seen enough

OK, I admit it.  I didn’t watch Saturday’s debate.  Too busy watching the Food Channel’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives and folks who shove greasy burgers, fat-laden chili-fries and lots of bacon into their mouths.  Yummy.

I think I’ve seen three of the debates going back to the time when Rick Perry was still the Republican savior.  Now he’s demoted himself to junior savior status and is currently running ads that remind us that he is a devout Christian, that gays should remain in the closet, and isn’t it a God-awful shame that kids can’t pray in school instead of learning what the legal voting age is and  how many Supreme Court justices there are.

I’ve always felt that I should know what the opposition is up to.  Even to the point of  occasionally listening to Rush Limbaugh.  It used to drive Sweetie nuts.  “How can you listen to that ignorant blowhard.  Haven’t you got better things to do.  Like picking up your clothes?”  So that’s why I watch the debates, that in some cases are more exciting than watching the Broncos’ Tim Tebow genuflect after gaining yardage, thanking God for letting his team beat those godless bastards and reminding us that only devout Christians will go to heaven…while me and my ilk baste in the fires of hell.  But that’s another story.

Poor Mitt is stuck in second gear while the Newt is laughing his way to the nomination.  Pretty good for a guy who, not long ago, was left for dead at the Tiffany counter.  I used to think about running for public office, never seriously but sort of in a day-dreamy kind of way.  But I’d quickly dismiss it when I remembered the various immoral acts that might be uncovered during my campaign.  Starting with cheating on various Latin exams in Mrs. Beck’s class, lying to my mother when she asked if I went to Hebrew school today, and setting fire to the vacant lot in Albany Park while roasting potatoes with my friends.

But if Newt is any example, the sky’s the limit.  Abandoning two previous spouses (one suffering with cancer) while diddling with others…and all the while promoting the impeachment of a fellow lothario…appear to be forgivable sins.  Playing fast and loose while Speaker of the House resulting in a few hours of standing the corner can be best classified as boyish enthusiasm.  His “Contract with America” should be retitled a “Contract on America” given the regulatory and financial disasters that it gave rise to.

To know him is to love him apparently does not apply in Newt’s case.  As Maureen Dowd noted in her NY Times column…Joe Scarborough, one of the House plotters against Speaker Gingrich back in 1997, quipped, “Let me just say, if Newt Gingrich is the smartest guy in the room, leave that room.”  Or as Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina, who worked with Newt in the House, noted, “He’s a guy of 1,000 ideas and the attention span of a 1-year-old.”  Congressman Peter King of New York told CNN’s Erin Burnett that Newt’s “inflammatory” statements, his “erratic” and “self-centered” behavior, and his “Armageddon language” wear people out.   And those three guys are all Republicans.

Which neatly summarize Newt’s qualifications to be President of the United States.  He’s a quick-draw smart-aleck who’s a legend in his own mind.  And it seems to me that we had one of those for eight years not too far back.  And we are still trying to pull ourselves up from the abyss he created.   Are we ignorant or what?  Maybe it’s no wonder that the polls of likely Republican voters show Newt leading the pack by substantial margins.

And if that isn’t enough,  Thesaurus.com defines Newt as a cold-blooded vertebrate.  Where’s the Snow Queen when you need her?