In a nutshell

Many of you were probably watching the baseball playoffs, the football game or some porno movie.  So being a public-spirited, non-partisan guy, here are the highlights of the VP debate.

You can guess what Joe Biden had to say since you watched him four years ago when he fenced with the Snow Queen.  So to save time, I’ll just tell you what Paul Ryan said.

About Iran.  We need to get the Ayatollahs’ attention. I’m personally going to send them an e-mail or something equally harsh.

About Afghanistan.  We’re going to get out in the middle of 2014…unless we don’t.

About Libya.  We can say anything we want about that attack on our embassy.  Even if we haven’t got a clue about what happened.

About Syria.  We should have already given lots of guns and missiles to the good guys over there.  Even if we don’t know who they are.

About Israel.  The President was on The View while Mitt was at the Wailing Wall looking for Jewish votes.  And forget about what Mitt said about kicking the Palestinian ball down the field and hoping for the best.  He misspoke, again.

About the military.  We’re going to give them another trillion dollars even if we have to shove it down their throats.  Don’t fuck with us.

About our budget balancing plan.  We’re going to lower taxes, especially for rich people, and cut the crap out of spending.  Keep tuned for details.

About jobs.  The black guy hasn’t done nearly enough.  We will do much better by taking money from the middle class and give it to rich people so they can hire poor people.

About abortion.  Life begins at erection.  And if you don’t want a kid, don’t screw.  And if you want to screw you can’t have a contraceptive.

About war.  We’re not going to have any unless it’s in our best interests.  And, by the way, the hell with the U.N. and the rest of the world.

About bi-partisanship.  We’re going to reach across the aisle and be as cooperative as we were when we filibustered to death every plan that might have improved the lot of the American public.

About social safety nets.  We don’t need them.  Mitt and I will personally visit everyone who needs help.  Or maybe we’ll send Billy Graham or Pat Robertson.

About Social Security.  Trust us.  Old folks who vote Republican don’t need to worry.  Youngsters can invest their money with Bernie Madoff.

About healthcare.  Trust us.  Old folks can have anything they want as long as they vote for Mitt and me.  Youngsters can have a voucher good for about half the cost of their care…maybe.

About Mitt’s remarks.  He doesn’t mean what he says.  And that goes double for his bonehead remark about 47% of the country being deadbeats.  So don’t pay any attention.

About my remarks.  I spent a lot of time memorizing stuff for this debate, especially the names of the Pakistani tribes that I repeated twice so you would say “Wow, what a foreign relations expert he is.”

I feel so much better about Paul Ryan.  At least he’s no Sarah Palin.

6 Responses to “In a nutshell”

  1. 1 art October 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    You have outdone yourself!!


  2. 2 Jon Lambert October 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Your “abortion” reference is the very best and most concise statement of what the conservative right has been saying. Thanks.


  3. 3 Willis Allen October 12, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    It seemed to me that Joe Bidden was rude, interrupting and condesending.
    Paul Ryan was at least polite. Both parties have had four years to make a difference. We are continuing to increase our national debt at an alarming pace. Neither party seem to have the answers.I belive that a Voter Boycott is necessary to wake up the Washington politicians to the reality that they are sinking the ship “USA”.
    Willis of Ojai


  4. 4 Sharon October 12, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    I was embarrassed for Joe Biden – those childish smirks, and smiling at – I don’t know who. His interruptions were anything but professional – or presidential. Not sure I would want him as my President if it ever came to that.


  5. 5 Lisa S Marshall October 19, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Very amusing and yet completely frightening. I loved your comment about what the Repub/Religious Right’s view is on sex and contraception. I think it’s quite interesting how some people thought Biden was “rude and condescending”. How could you not be, faced with such foolishness and knee jerk reactions to foreign policy by the Repubs?


    • 6 Willis Allen October 19, 2012 at 2:07 pm


      [ kòndə sénding ]

      1.snobby: behaving toward other people in a way that shows you consider yourself socially or intellectually superior to them

      Synonyms: patronizing, disdainful, superior, haughty, pompous, arrogant, lofty, supercilious, snooty, snobbish, contemptuous

      Lisa – I belive that when others are treated in a snobby comtemptuous way that meaningful communication breaks down. Meeting of the minds does not occur. One man’s passion is another’s foolishness. How do we have a meeting of the minds and move ahead instead of blaming others and remain stuck in a “no progress situation”.

      Thanks for your thoughts, Willis


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