Kansas picks on Jews

Frustrated by failing to enact recent legislation that would have allowed the wholesale refusal to provide services to gays and lesbians, the Kansas state legislature today passed and sent to Governor Sam Brownbeck a law protecting individuals, businesses and government employees who refuse to provide any benefits or services to Jews if the provision of those services would violate their religious principles.

As stated in the preamble to the legislation, its legal basis is grounded on the requirement for the separation of church and state as stipulated in the United States Constitution.  Citing the Constitution’s first amendment’s language “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof” the Kansas bill goes on to say that “free exercise” includes the god-given constitutional right to impose restrictions on other religions which conflict with one’s own.

The Kansas Senate, which is controlled by Republicans 32-8, spent a total of seventeen minutes debating the legislation which had previously been passed by the Republican controlled House by a vote of 72-49.  Governor Brownbeck promised to sign the legislation immediately upon his return from the annual National Skinhead gathering in Topeka where he was the keynote speaker.

When asked why  the legislation was deemed essential, Senate President Susan Wagle pointed to the growing spate of Christian bashing that was running rampant through her state and the rest of the country.  “We’ve got to do something, even if it’s only one small step in taking back control of this rapidly deteriorating godless country.  Enough is enough.”

President Wagle acknowledged that Jews represent less than one percent of the Kansas population but were nevertheless outspoken, irritating and different from everyone else.  Firmly gripping the podium, she responded to a Kansas Star reporter “We recognize that Jews are few and far between, but they are usually at the forefront of Christian bashing.  Just look at who makes those anti-Christian Hollywood movies.  And don’t get me started on the ACLU.”

She added “Their refusal to give up the Old Testament and embrace the New Testament puts the rest of our community in peril.  It confuses our children and makes their parents fearful of losing the true faith.  We run the risk of uncontrolled intermarriage, racial impurity and the not insignificant loss of income to pig farmers due to Kosher dietary laws.”

Reporters continued to pepper Wagle with questions.  “How will shopkeepers, the police and medical providers identify who’s a Jew” one of them asked.  She responded “The usual way.  By the size of their noses, their surnames that all end in berg or stein, and the cleverly hidden but discernible horns protruding from their heads.  And if that doesn’t work, I’m sure we can come up with something else.”

Asked if there were going to be any other groups targeted for similar treatment, President Wagle responded “No, I think this will probably be the final solution.”

welcome to kansas

7 Responses to “Kansas picks on Jews”


  1. 1 Fred Kimmel February 16, 2014 at 3:55 pm

    Hi Fred, Do you have the bill number re: the Jewish legislation?

    Like

  2. 2 Don of Oak View February 16, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    That one’ll get you noticed.

    Like

  3. 3 leila February 16, 2014 at 5:33 pm

    Is this an early April fools joke? Have the Nazi’s left South America and immigrated to Kansas?

    Like

  4. 4 Irvin Lucks February 16, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    Chilling!

    Like

  5. 5 Mark Laing February 17, 2014 at 9:26 am

    How does the rest of the country not here about this and stop it? (I’m British). It is totally backwards and appalling.

    Like

  6. 6 sally February 17, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    Brilliant Fred, simply brilliant. Jonathan Swift would be proud. Next up, you pen the sequel to “What’s the Matter with Kansas?” — the much shorter book called “What’s right with Kansas?”

    p.s. maybe you want to add the tag “satire” to this post?

    Like

  7. 7 K Hayward February 19, 2014 at 8:15 am

    Tell me this is a joke. Can’t quite believe in this day & age we still have these ELECTED officials who have no brains. Living in the Midwest I know there are regular (whatever they are) people who are still so uneducated, bigoted and downright mean. When will it ever end?

    Like


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