Posts Tagged 'Donald Trump'

Eight years is enough

President Obama took the oath of office today, beginning his second term as President of the United States.

Republican Senate leader, Mitch McConnell, immediately denounced the event as “leading to four more years of wild-assed spending, confiscation of everyone’s guns and further degradation of the White House by the presence of a black guy who had stolen the election from whatever his name was.”

McConnell also vowed to make sure that Mr. Obama would not serve a third term as President. Promising to introduce a Constitutional amendment to limit the president to two terms, he said “No one, especially someone born in Kenya, should be able to serve more than eight years in the Oval Office.”

When reporters at the scene noted that there already was such a limitation in the Constitution, Mr. McConnell responded “Never mind.”

McConnell’s statement went viral and prompted a number of supportive responses by prominent Republicans. Donald Trump agreed with the need for a Constitutional amendment by insisting that the current provision doesn’t go far enough and may, in fact, be a forgery. He demanded to see the original document and immediately appointed his long-time friend and financial guru, Bernie Madoff , to conduct an investigation.

Michele Bachmann, a leading member of the House Intelligence Committee, took time out from drafting her thirty-fourth legislative proposal to repeal Obamacare and promised to introduce the two-term limitation in the House. Supported by twenty-seven Tea Party congressmen wearing tri-cornered hats and carrying muskets, she said “I don’t really care if there already is a Constitutional provision. My goal is to make sure we don’t forget about it. After all what’s more important, reminding people about the limit or doing things that actually improve people’s lives?” Refusing to take further questions, she rushed off to her Committee to re-open an investigation of the Lincoln assassination.

Glenn Beck took time out from building his libertarian-utopia theme park called Independence, USA where, for a price, you can live out his dream of America The Way It Should Be. “I don’t really give a rat’s ass about Obama serving a third term. Independence, USA will be a sovereign country governed by no one. On the other hand, I’d be happy to promote the Constitutional amendment as a visiting scholar and world ambassador. It’s the least I can do for my former country.”

Rick Perry, fresh from arguing that anyone licensed to carry a gun should be able to bring it into a school, insisted that his first order of business on Monday will be to bring the two-term limit to a vote in the Texas Legislature. When reporters reminded him that the amendment had to be first approved by Congress he said, “I must have missed that when I went to school. But then I was too busy learning my ABD’s.”

Former President George Bush said “What’s the Constitution?”

The Morning After

Tuesday evening Sweetie and I watched Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins duke it out in Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  Gary, in a role superbly suited to him, still scares me as he seeks to capture Winona Ryder’s heart while fending off the sharpened stake wielded, somewhat comically,  by a partially deranged Mr. Hopkins.

You were watching a twenty year old film on election night, you say?  With all that time on your hands why weren’t you focused on the election results?  Because my blood pressure was already high enough, thank you.

In a way I suppose I was, in fact, watching a stand-in for the election night results.  Oldman could just as well have been playing Mitt Romney, a man who was serially written off for dead, starting with the primaries where he was confronted by any number of netherworld demons including Newt, Michelle, Rick, and Herman.  No stake in the heart could penetrate him regardless of multiple ill-fated attempts. His pursuers were doomed to fall on their own swords.  Like Dracula, Mitt’s oft-repeated metamorphosis from one life form into another finally ended only when he was exposed to the full light of day.

Hopkins, a somewhat shy and retiring personality, could have been Obama who refused to give up the quest for another four years even though at times you wondered if he was really serious about the whole thing.  Stake in hand, he methodically pursued his quarry and, when all seemed to hang by a thread, plunged the dagger into his antagonist.  Not a lingering death as predicted by the pundits, it was all over in the blink of an eye.

Belatedly, we made the rounds of the usual cable news stations.  MSNBC, CNN and, yes, Fox.   OK, I really enjoyed Fox.  Shepard Smith was particularly interesting.  With a “what the hell happened” expression on his face, he looked splendidly shell-shocked.

Karl Rove was delightful as the mad scientist who, with precise logic and an intensity bordering on the maniacal, sought to refute Fox’s award of Ohio to Obama.  How dare Fox do that without his permission.  In a moment rivaling the best of the Keystone Kops, Megan Kelly, playing the role of Karl’s Igor, dutifully strolled down to the bowels of Fox and asked her own statisticians “are you guys shitting me or what?”

Rove and his buddy George Will were understandably stunned.  How could this be?  Especially after the outpouring of money from their friends and neighbors.  We will win big, they had assured themselves and their minions. This must be some alternate universe.  When we wake, things will be better.

Donald Trump who, as NBC’s Brian Williams put it, has driven well past the last exit of relevance, tweeted multiple brain farts including a frenzied call to his followers to march on Washington.

Bill O’Reilly, a little late in seeking more Hispanic votes, made a plea for an election re-run with Marco Rubio instead of Paul Ryan as Mitt’s Sancho Panza.  While insulting half the American voters and ignoring the fact that Mitt’s votes came from predominantly aging white men on Medicare and Social Security, Bill observed that the 50% of the country who voted for Obama want stuff.   They want things.  And who is going to give them things? President Obama. He knows it. And he ran on it.

But perhaps the most rewarding election revelation came the morning after when we were treated to an analysis of the money spent and the rewards of that extravagance.  The most candid and resigned expression came from Kenneth Langone, the founder of Home Depot and a top Romney fundraiser.  “All I can say is the American people have spoken.”

The Koch brothers spent millions including a reputed chunk of the $11 million delivered from an Arizona mystery PAC in a failed attempt to block California’s Proposition 30 supporting schools, and to promote Proposition 32 that would have limited the rights of unions to spend money just like, thanks to Citizens United and the Supremes, corporations do.

Foregoing the ubiquitous PAC route, Linda E. McMahon, owner of a professional wrestling company, concluded her second attempt to single-handedly buy a Republican Senate seat by spending $100 million of her own money in Connecticut.  She lost.  But in the process she certainly succeeded in adding jobs to the media and printing industries in her own state.  Way to go, Linda.

Joe Ricketts, the owner of the Chicago Cubs, spent close to $13 million to bankroll a super PAC attacking Obama over federal spending.  Better he should have spent it on the pitiful team that lost 101 games this season.  That’s the last time I go to a Cub game.

And then there’s Sheldon Adelson, the gambling casino mogul.  Sporting a refreshed carrot coloring of his sparsely populated hairline, he seemed unperturbed about the sixty million he had pumped into the super PACS supporting eight carefully selected Republican candidates.  Sheldon went 0 for 8.  Better stay away from your own craps tables, Sheldon.  Oh, and buy a mirror.

As the NY Times reported, Karl Rove has been busy fielding calls from many of those bazillionaires who forked over about $300 million to two super PACs founded in part by him.  Always looking on the bright side, he offered them these uplifting words,  “Without us, the race would not have been as close as it was.”

So it’s four more years.  Used to seem like a long time.  Not any more.  A blink of an eye.  A week in Dracula time.  I hope Obama’s stake is well sharpened.


Pages

Recent Comments