Posts Tagged 'inauguration'

Eight years is enough

President Obama took the oath of office today, beginning his second term as President of the United States.

Republican Senate leader, Mitch McConnell, immediately denounced the event as “leading to four more years of wild-assed spending, confiscation of everyone’s guns and further degradation of the White House by the presence of a black guy who had stolen the election from whatever his name was.”

McConnell also vowed to make sure that Mr. Obama would not serve a third term as President. Promising to introduce a Constitutional amendment to limit the president to two terms, he said “No one, especially someone born in Kenya, should be able to serve more than eight years in the Oval Office.”

When reporters at the scene noted that there already was such a limitation in the Constitution, Mr. McConnell responded “Never mind.”

McConnell’s statement went viral and prompted a number of supportive responses by prominent Republicans. Donald Trump agreed with the need for a Constitutional amendment by insisting that the current provision doesn’t go far enough and may, in fact, be a forgery. He demanded to see the original document and immediately appointed his long-time friend and financial guru, Bernie Madoff , to conduct an investigation.

Michele Bachmann, a leading member of the House Intelligence Committee, took time out from drafting her thirty-fourth legislative proposal to repeal Obamacare and promised to introduce the two-term limitation in the House. Supported by twenty-seven Tea Party congressmen wearing tri-cornered hats and carrying muskets, she said “I don’t really care if there already is a Constitutional provision. My goal is to make sure we don’t forget about it. After all what’s more important, reminding people about the limit or doing things that actually improve people’s lives?” Refusing to take further questions, she rushed off to her Committee to re-open an investigation of the Lincoln assassination.

Glenn Beck took time out from building his libertarian-utopia theme park called Independence, USA where, for a price, you can live out his dream of America The Way It Should Be. “I don’t really give a rat’s ass about Obama serving a third term. Independence, USA will be a sovereign country governed by no one. On the other hand, I’d be happy to promote the Constitutional amendment as a visiting scholar and world ambassador. It’s the least I can do for my former country.”

Rick Perry, fresh from arguing that anyone licensed to carry a gun should be able to bring it into a school, insisted that his first order of business on Monday will be to bring the two-term limit to a vote in the Texas Legislature. When reporters reminded him that the amendment had to be first approved by Congress he said, “I must have missed that when I went to school. But then I was too busy learning my ABD’s.”

Former President George Bush said “What’s the Constitution?”

Time to go to work

I’ve been sitting around in a sort of malaise.

The election seems eons ago.  The economy takes one step forward and two steps back.  The market is afraid of its own shadow.  People are critical of the bailouts.  And my brother is freezing his ass back in Chicago.  It’s two days until we no longer have to say “President-elect.”

The Israelis and Hamas are still performing in the world’s longest running tragedy.  What a waste.  Why doesn’t someone do something about it?  It’s two days until we no longer have to say “President-elect.”

Uncle Bernie Madoff sits in his high-rise apartment,  sends jewelry to relatives and writes millions in checks to his favorite people…while charitable organizations that trusted him with money destined for the unfortunate go broke.  The free market will handle it they said.  It’s two days until we no longer have to say “President-elect.”

Watched snippets of Bush’s Goodbye Mr. Chips speeches.  Like the protagonist in the movie The Reader, I didn’t know whether to blame him or feel sorry for the poor bastard.  Some of both, I guess.  It’s two days until we no longer have to say “President-elect.”

I get e-mails from Obama telling me to join his crusade for a better world.  Do something in my community.  Sign up for something, anything.  Get my ass in gear.  It’s two days until we no longer have to say “President-elect.”

Watched John Boehner, leader of the Republican House minority, moaning for the cameras about the gazillion dollar Obama bailout plan.  Too big.  Too something.  Too not ours.  Bet he’s got his fingers crossed behind his back.  It’s two days until we no longer have to say “President-elect.”

Saw Meet the Press this morning.  The round-table included historian Doris Kearns Goodwin.  I love Doris; she’s so sincere, bright and non-threatening.  Tavis Smiley was there too; sometimes I think he’s going to hit me.  Doris compared Obama and Lincoln.  Her advice to Obama was to do what Lincoln did…without the beard.  It’s two days until we no longer have to say “President-elect.”

And then there’s the breathlessly anticipated inaugural speech.  Sheeesh.  What do we expect from the guy?  That the world will stop spinning after a twenty minute oration?  Maybe so.

—ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country

—the only thing we have to fear is fear itself

—with malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

Time to go to work.



Recent Comments